The Train of Self

Further insight on John Self’s evident problem with alcohol appears between the pages of 107 and 108 (not to say there aren’t other examples of his lack of acumen with liquor), where he finds himself caught up in his own time yet again; ‘You know what time it is, my time? Four o’clock in the afternoon’. This complete disregard of the actual time, as opposed to the time in which his jetlagged body is set in, translates perfectly to his lack of concern for his own health. Caught up in the conflict of what to do, John turns to repetition in order to systematically line up all ‘six realistic options’ of activities he could do in that ‘afternoon’ (it is impossible to know whether or not it actually is the afternoon) while in New York City; ‘I could sack out right away […] I could go back to the Happy Isles […] I could call Doris […] I could catch a live sex show […] I could go out and get drunk. I could stay in and get drunk.’ The repetition of ‘I could’ appears to be John’s manner of empowering himself, proving to the readers that with his money, he has the choice of either getting shitfaced at one point in his activities, or be somewhat responsible and call Doris Arthur, perhaps to talk about his film, Bad Money in Europe and Good Money in the United States. With our previous knowledge of John’s alcoholism, it is fair to assume that he will be getting drunk. Again to show his ‘power’, John then claims to have done every possible option. He feels a necessity to over consume on every level of his life, ranging from his drinking and eating habits to his generous tipping policy (he gave 50$ in tip to Felix on his last trip in NYC). From his perspective, he feels as if he’s the one forcing his life forward, as if the natural force of time had no impact on his physical. He describes himself as ‘the train’ that is ‘doing all the moving’. Unlike us, regular human beings, John believes that he is in control of his entire life, the speed, direction, and final destination, California and the world of extravagant luxury and money.